Dear Kate
by KaraWalker
Summary: After the scene in 4x19 when Castle finds out that Kate remembers he goes home and writes her a letter. Disclaimer: I did not invent the characters, only their situation :)
1. Chapter 1

Dear Kate,

I know that you remember when you were shot, I heard you say you remember every second of it. I was behind the glass in the interrogation room. At first I didn't know what to think, and then it's all I could think about. I know you, I know you probably kept this to yourself to protect yourself but the hurt of this to me is great, you've lied to me Kate, to my face. You told me that you didn't remember any of it at the hospital, everything we've been through together Kate; I thought I had at least earnt the right to not be lied to. I'm sorry, but I have to leave, I don't know for how long but I don't think I can ever come back to the precinct and face you. Maybe the reason why you lied was because you don't love me back and didn't want to hurt me, but now it all seems so hopeless. You know how much I love you, obviously you heard me the first time. I guess I got so caught up in you and this precinct that I veered from my path, like Alexis said, I have to stop pretending to be a cop because I will only get hurt and she was right. Which means that I have to stop playing cop. Hey, look on the bright side; you finally get what you've always wanted. Me gone, forever. You once asked me why I kept coming back and why I always stayed, It's because it was no longer about the books, I had enough research to do 50 books a long time ago, I kept coming back because I couldn't think about not seeing you every day because I love you so much. I realise now that I was just dreaming, I honestly thought that one day we could be together, when you were ready. Now I understand that it was never an option and I was chasing nothing. I really want you to know that I also stayed as a friend, to help you with your mother's case and help you get through it. I know that leaving is going to be hard and that there was no way I could say this to your face, so I am leaving this letter. Now that I'm gone, maybe you can find someone, someone to love. I want that for you, even if I can't be that guy myself, even though I want to be that guy so much. Know that I will always love you, even though I'm leaving, you will be with me,

Always,

Richard Alexander Rodgers


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Rick,

I can't find you Rick, I've looked for 2 weeks now, that letter; I can't even describe what that letter meant to me but at the same time it hurt me deeply. When I read that you thought I was just protecting myself from you and that you thought I didn't love you crushed me. I know I'm not good at letting people in and that is a terrible understatement but the truth is, you are the only person I want to let in so badly so let me set you straight right now and tell I love you. I love you so much and that letter just reinforced what I had admitted to myself all those months ago. But the last 2 weeks have been hell, where did you go? I don't know where you are and I've never felt so hopeless in all of my life, it's just like that time you were in that bank and there was nothing I could do to help you. I still have nightmares about that day Rick, when that bomb went off my heart stopped and my world came crumbling down just like the walls around my heart that you had broken through; kind of ironic really. I miss you every day, it's silly really; I won't let anyone sit in your chair, I guess it's just that a part of me still thinks you will step off the elevator and sit down in that very same chair. I am so sorry that I didn't tell you I remembered, I see now that there was no excuse for it and you were right, I was scared but only scared about how much I care for you and I know now that I left it too late and you waited too long and if I can't fix this then that will be the biggest regret of my life. And I also want to tell you that there will never be anyone but you, I will never love someone else like I love you, no-one will ever break down my walls again, only you have the key to my heart Rick. It's not even just my heart anymore Rick, it's my soul. You're so much a part of me that every day I don't see you it's like half of me is missing and only you can put that right. I need you to come back to me Rick; please I need you so much I know that I really don't deserve your love or anything from you but please give me a chance to make it right. I believe me when I say I never wanted you gone and it's certainly not what I want now, I only tried to push you away for so long because I was trying to tell myself that I couldn't be falling for you even though I realise now that it's the best thing that ever happened to me, come back to me Rick and I will explain everything but each day that passes I lose more and more strength to get out of bed in the morning, I love you Rick, please come back to me and I will promise to stay with you

Always,

Katherine Beckett


	3. Author's note

hey guys, i'm so sorry i haven't posted the third chapter yet,

but, :) it will be up within the next day or two, i've been busy at college :S

thanks guys, love you all :) xx


	4. Chapter 3

Re-united

**A/N:** so sorry about the wait guys, all my family were ill at Christmas and I have exams at college in the next couple of weeks so I have been mad revising. I'm sorry I kept you waiting so I'm going to stop talking and let you guys get on with reading

Kate Beckett sat at her desk at the precinct exactly one week after she had sent Castle her letter. The days had come and gone and she hadn't even noticed; nothing really mattered anymore without him. But she would still do her job, the only thing that kept her going which means she was at her desk every morning without fail no matter how much of a chore it was to get out of bed in the morning. Ryan and Esposito were off on a case while she was tying up the last one, the need to be out in the field was no longer desirable and so she would usually stay at the 12th. As it was 9am she walked over to the break room for a coffee, pausing at the doorway as this room had so many memories of Castle in it including the machine waiting for her. She pressed a few buttons and waited for the hot drink to fill her cup. Looking out into the precinct she couldn't help but stare next to her desk at his chair; the chair that so many had tried to take away but she never let them get near it. She turned back and picked up her mug full of her favourite drink that was the best part of her day. She walked back across the precinct without really paying attention like always. Many people had commented that she looked like she was in a world of her own and that her eyes had always seemed glazed over. They were right; ever since he had left she did everything half-heartedly. As she sat back down at her desk to get on with her report she noticed that she felt a very familiar presence near her,

"Hello Kate".


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**A/N: **I know guys, I'm sorry about that cliff-hanger but I thought It would add to the suspense, this one will hopefully fulfil whatever I left to the imagination after the last chapter enjoy

"Hello Kate".

Kate almost dropped her cup of coffee as she heard his voice. She slowly turned and sure enough there he was, sitting in his chair like it was a normal day 3 weeks earlier. For the longest time she didn't say anything, she just stared at him as if he were a ghost; not really believing he was there after all this time. "Rick?" before either of them knew what was happening, she launched herself into his arms. "Oh God Rick I'm so sorry, I've missed you so much" a sigh of relief passed his lips as his shoulders visibly sagged, he had hopped this is how it would play out when he came back. He suddenly realised that everyone in the precinct was staring at them and so to save her, her dignity he slowly gathered her up in his arms and moved them both towards the break room. Her coffee lying forgotten on her desk. As soon as they were safely in the break room, the door was shut and the blinds were down; he turned towards her and gave her a bone-crushing hug. He soon began to feel his shirt was becoming damp and soon after that her sobbing followed. He unravelled himself from her to stare into her eyes that were full of tears. "Hey it's ok, I'm here everything is fine now that we are together again". She sobbed harder as she clung to him for dear life, "I just missed you so much, every day was like I was imprisoned in my own life; I can't believe you're here". He clung to her even more and whispered soothing words to her until her breathing became even again and her sobbing had completely subsided. "Better?" he asked as he gently stroked her cheek. She glanced up into the depths of his eyes to a point that she thought she would fall in, "Much". She began to smile which made him smile, "God it is so nice to see her smile" Castle thought to himself. "Rick, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you everything; and your letter… I'm so sorry Castle" She began to break down again but he stopped her by placing his finger under her chin and lifting it up until their eyes locked so there was no doubt about the sincerity of his next words. "Kate, that's all in the past; I know you had your reasons, we are starting anew from now so let me start by saying in person that I love you". For a split second Kate Beckett froze until she registered what he had just said and how much it meant to her. She didn't wait another second, with a slight tipping in her balance and a slight tilt of her chin; her lips came crashing down on his. Four years of waiting for the right time, moment and feeling; and so much love in one passionate kiss. He moved his hands to either sides of her face as she moved hers up into his hair, their bodies were so close together that when she pulled away for a split second they both immediately felt at loss of warmth but her next words her worth it, "I love you too Castle".

**A/N: **So, there you have it; I hope it was everything you guys were hoping for and unless I get a desperate plea from people to carry on, I will leave it there nicely. Thanks for reading guys I hope to see you around


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I am so sorry that I haven't posted this chapter earlier everyone, I've been having a tough time at home and to be honest I had a bit of a block, hope you can forgive me. Anyway I hope you like this slightly fluffier chapter, I went for a more light hearted piece; enjoy. Some parts of the story have also been re-vamped after constructive criticism from a reviewer whom I thank for helping me improve my story :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Castle, I wish I did, but I don't

2 weeks later

The sun crept through the window in the loft, landing on the couple in bed. Castle laid awake, staring at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen; not really believing that he gets to wake up like this almost every day. Little did he know that Kate was also awake, she was playing dead because she just wanted to lay there and feel his gaze on her and memorize this moment. She had been longing for a moment like this almost as long as he had. However Kate was unaware that Castle knew her so well, "Ok Kate I know your awake and I'm pretty sure we have both had enough time memorizing" Rick said cheerily which was surprising considering that it was about 6am. Kate slowly opened her eyes, dammit he knows me too well; she thought to herself. But she could not help but smile at how happy she felt at that exact moment in time. They just laid there for a while staring into each others eyes, "morning" Kate said, in almost a whisper. "Morning to you too" Rick beamed back at her, "I think it's about time we got up; how about I make you a nice cup of coffee?". Kate sighed heavily just thinking of her favorite drink and then she replied "As much as I would love a coffee right now, I don't think I'm ready to get out of bed yet… or you for that matter", her smile was devious and Castle could tell that she was playing with him. "Now now Kate, remember what happened last time you said that to me?".

Flashback

"I don't think I'm ready to get out of bed yet… or you for that matter"

"Hey Castle I hope that you don't mind me just barging in here, I ran into your mom on her way out and she said to go straight in; but I was hoping that I could take a spin in your Ferrari, you know I haven't been in it since…." Esposito stopped in his tracks as he opened the door to Castle's bedroom door. There in front of him was Castle and Beckett tangled up in each other totally unaware of his presence and totally unashamed. Suddenly Castle could see a man in the corner of his eye; oh my God it was Espo. As quickly as her could he covered Kate and then spoke to Espo, "um hey Espo, uh what are you doing here?". Esposito was still standing there until he replied "Dude you and Beckett are in bed together and you want to talk about me?". Espo chuckled to himself, "I'll just excuse myself and make a few phone calls". Castle was quick to stop him, "Espo wait" Javier whipped his head around to stare at Castle. "We are trying to keep this a secret or Gates will stop us from working together" Castle sighed. Beckett finally appears from under the covers, "Espo please Gates will never allow this" Kate pleaded with Javier. "Ok, fine I won't tell anyone, except Ryan" Espo smirked, Kate looked like she was contemplating for a second; "Fine, you can tell Ryan but no-one else, we have a deal?" Kate looked desperate. Finally Javier's smile softened, "Of course you got a deal girl, but when this finally gets out in the open and all bets are off; I'm gonna be filthy rich". Just as Espo turned to leave another thought came to his mind, "By the way, I think you should tell Martha about this" he gestured to the two of them in bed "Before someone else walks in on you" he winked at the two of them and without another word Espo walked off and left Castle's apartment, thoughts of the Ferrari forgotten. Kate glanced at Castle, "why is he gonna be rich?" A smile spread across Castle's face and he chuckled "Because everyone at the precinct has been betting with each other whether or not we would get together" Kate stared dumfounded at Rick but couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face. Castle again glanced at Kate "Espo's right, we really should tell Alexis and mom; I've been thinking about it and who are they going to tell? plus they have a right to know;". Despite being skeptical on the matter when it all started two weeks ago, Beckett said back in full confidence "Your right, they do have a right to know; we'll tell them tomorrow" They both smiled at each other with a knowing look and sunk back into bed.

End Flashback

"Well" Kate said to Castle before getting up off the bed much to Rick's surprise "I guess we will just have to lock the doors". As she left Castle's bedroom his jaw hit the floor, she never ceased to amaze him. After she locked the front door and then came back to the room and locked his bedroom door, she crawled onto the bed; Meer inches from his face she whispered in his ear, "Alone at last".


End file.
